The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
