brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize