OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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