How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
