Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
