her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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