Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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