Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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