You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
