Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
porn star boner night. come get it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
