I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
