His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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