Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
