She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
