fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
