yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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