Jerry, you need to find god
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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