Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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