My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
