My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
