drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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