my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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