AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
