i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
