If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
