he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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