sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
