i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
