Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
