someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
