Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
