just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
