She announced her abortion via fbk
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
