yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
