Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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