I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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