this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
