So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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