i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you would pick up someone in the library
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
