my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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