I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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