if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
