...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
