Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
