Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
