So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
