i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
