Got a toothbrush?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
