Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
