i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
