So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We left the knife in your bed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Congratulations! We have a period
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