my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
