So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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