I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
