I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
