She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
