Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
